So today.... I got a door ding.

"Redhondamike" (Redhondamike) 09/29/2014 at 17:06 • Filed to: Door Ding

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So here's the story. I busted out of school today, skipping with glee to my little '95 miata, but something stops me in my tracks... I see the murdered out Lancer driven by the biggest douche on the planet parked next to me. "oh shit" I mutter under my breath. And what do you know I walk over to check on my door and, yep there it is. A nice dent, perfectly in line to where his door would open. Holding back temptation to kick his door in, I buzz home, devising ways to blow up his car without getting caught. So now I sit. Typing this up on oppo, looking to you.

What do I do?

(sorry for the portrait photo)

Alex B > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:09

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Talk to him?

Tohru > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:10

7

Straight-up murder him. It's the only way.

Blondude > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:10

2

Buff it out, light him on fire. Easy.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:12

8

A little bit of anti seize in his door locks. Everytime he uses that key, he ends up with the stuff on his hands and clothes.

Wad of weatherstrip on one of his tires.

Hammer fit a whistle in his tailpipe.

Vaseline under the door handles.

And the wiper blades.

Redhondamike > Alex B 09/29/2014 at 17:12

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Yeah I'm going to try approaching him tomorrow but I HIGHLY doubt he'd fess up. He used to bully me in elementary school and is just an all around dick. Nobody likes him.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Blondude 09/29/2014 at 17:13

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You have the order backward. You light him up, then use his ashes to buff out the scratch. Circle of life man.

Nibby > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:15

3

Jizz on his car and smear it all over his windshield and write "This is the kind of shit you put in my shampoo? We're done. - Your ex"

Redhondamike > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 09/29/2014 at 17:15

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ohhh I like the anti seize, ruin my car, I'll ruin all your clothes. heh heh heh

EL_ULY > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:16

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murder that fu!

Redhondamike > Tohru 09/29/2014 at 17:16

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I've wanted to for a loong time.

EL_ULY > Alex B 09/29/2014 at 17:17

5

by "talk".... do you mean shotgun to the back?

Redhondamike > Blondude 09/29/2014 at 17:17

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Burn baby burn!

Redhondamike > Nibby 09/29/2014 at 17:19

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so many options....

Tohru > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:19

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We will rally support for you and post your bail money if you fuck up and get caught.

Redhondamike > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:21

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So I'm assuming there's no authoritative action I could take? It'd just be my word against his...

RazoE > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:28

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Hit his car back.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:30

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It was so much more effective before remote door locks.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:32

5

1. Find someone who has lipstick

2. Borrow lipstick

3. Draw something obscene on his windshield with lipstick

4. Wait

5. When he gets to his car he will flip, and try to wipe it off with his wipers

6. It won't work, as the lipstick will just smear all over the windshield

7. Kill him.

8. Return the lipstick

Redhondamike > RazoE 09/29/2014 at 17:34

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My Jeep would win... (Yes thats me, Yes I also have a cr125r)

3vil-Monkey > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:40

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Wait a few days before payback. Dog pooh under the door handles would work or cut the valve stem off one of his wheels

Redhondamike > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 09/29/2014 at 17:41

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ohhh true, he's probably never even used the door locks... How would the whistle thing work? Like the good ol' whistle tips?

V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:49

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Paintless Dent Removal. That one should actually come out without issue.

RazoE > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 17:50

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"Ladies, please contain your orgasms"

=P

Redhondamike > V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! 09/29/2014 at 17:53

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Yeah I've always wanted to try that. No time like the present!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 18:42

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1. Small cut in his valve stem

2. If you can get under the car, cut the cable going to his rearmost O2 sensor

3. Hack through one of the rubber exhaust mounts

4. Try to pop his hood up with a screwdriver through the grille (this is possible on some cars)

5. If you get the hood up, take out a couple not-critical-but-annoying fuses (brake booster, abs, a/c) as well as one of his spark plugs. Put the spark plug in the tail pipe. Pour some Gatorade into his air box.

6. piss in the gas tank

7. shit in the gas tank

8. slit his throat and fill the gas tank with his life blood.

Scary__goongala! > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 18:50

1

Poop in his sock draw.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 19:43

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I would think that one of those wooden 4 note train whistles would tuck in far enough to wedge. Not sure though. But yeah, those were the whistles I was thinking about. Of course, you could probably stretch a length of bicycle inner tube over the end and zip tie it on as well.

Squid > Redhondamike 09/29/2014 at 22:19

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valve core remover. . . then replace the valve caps loosely so the rush of pressure isn't so loud and presto, flat tires with no damage to anything but pride when they realize one spare wont get them home. . .

jmaiwald > Redhondamike 09/30/2014 at 09:09

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Paintless dent repair asap, the longer you wait the harder it is to bend back the metal

Camry-Into-Canyon > Redhondamike 09/30/2014 at 11:53

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Take a ball-peen hammer to his windshield, and leave a chip directly in his line of sight. Or buy a few jars of pepper and sprinkle it into his cowl. Or remove his wheel-weights.

Kickplate > Redhondamike 10/01/2014 at 22:11

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Get the dent pulled for like $80. Don't do anything about the douche now. Wait until a nice damp day months from now, and then sprinkle drain-o crystals all over his car. At least, that's what I've heard works well.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Redhondamike 10/02/2014 at 21:35

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I thought of another one this afternoon, even meaner. Get some of that slime tire sealant, and right as he goes into class, put some in each of his tires. You have to drive around after you put the stuff in. If you don't it will pool up and form a big wad inside the tire in one spot and throw the balance way off. Get all four and it should be a nightmare going down the road.